every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
