Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
