If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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