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• (740): View more from Ohio

  Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window

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• 

  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (310): View more from California

  I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear

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• (207): View more from Maine

  It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  What did he say?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.

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• (585): View more from New York

  You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I just pictured that. It's reading a book.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  "Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"

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• (760): View more from California

  Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux

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