I think my fart just growled at me.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.