Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
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Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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