omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own