last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
