It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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