stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
