i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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