so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
