and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Less talking, more tequila
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
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If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
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I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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