u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
