I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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