You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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