i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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