you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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