3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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