everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
