so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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