Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize