After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
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Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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