god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
