my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
