well I can't set my house on fire every night
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
