i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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