omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
