his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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