I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
