she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
