We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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