He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
