He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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