don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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