I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
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I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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