I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
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So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
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Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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