their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
