I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
