O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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