R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
