do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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