dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
