i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
