I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Randomize
