You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
