What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
FUCK WHALES
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
