i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
this is an emotional support booty call
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He has the fingertips of a God
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