i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
