Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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