He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
