so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
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Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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