What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
