The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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