I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Welp...herpes.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
