I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
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how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
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I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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