Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
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