he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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