how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??