He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
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She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
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I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.