no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."