He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
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I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
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Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.