Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
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Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
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You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?