I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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