You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
