"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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