You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
