in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
As shirtless as possible
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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