What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
